Cost of a Life
by FlamingFlyingFoxOfDoom
Summary: Roy finds Al in the rain. [Warning: Depressing.]


The sky was overcast, dark clouds smothering the sunlight that struggled to shine through. The air was cool and damp and a chill wind was blowing. The buildings of central stood tall, their gray faces standing witness to the ongoings of their residences.

Footsteps rang out, echoing in the quiet of the gray day with a metallic resonance.

Alphonse ran.

He ran as fast as his armored legs would carry him, soul stirring with guilt and rage and sorrow. He heard the sounds of his soul, a choking that was as close to a sob as he could muster.

Al turned a corner before collapsing to his knees, suddenly without will to run any further. He pressed himself against the cold gray wall, curling in on himself and trying to make himself as small as he could. That sound, that choking sob, came again and again until it turned into a downright wail. An eerie, echoing thing that twisted and curled in the air before dissipating like the misting rain that had begun to drift down from above.

Eventually, the wail faded away, leaving nothing but the armored spirit sitting out in the rain.

All was still, as if the world was holding its breath. The mist gradually grew strength, slowly transforming into a downpour. Yet Alphonse stayed. He sat still, not moving, not making any sort of noise. He stared blankly down at the ground, at the way the rain would darken the pavement in spots. When the ground was entirely dark, the droplets would gather, forming into a puddle. And eventually, a small trickle of water slid from it, snaking along the gray until it fell into the street, joining with the river of muddy water pouring across it.

Alphonse sat there for a long time. How long, he didn't care to note. But, when he heard the sloshing footsteps approaching, he tensed. The metal of his armor clinked as he shifted and felt dread once again blossoming in his soul. He tried to banish it, tried to retreat once again into the numbness that brought him any kind of peace. Tried to ignore the rapidly approaching footsteps. Tried to ignore the stare he felt on him.

The footsteps came closer, slapping through the rain water. Alphonse saw the drenched blue of the military uniform. Saw the black boots. But he didn't look up. He couldn't bring himself to look up.

So the newcomer knelt down, dropping to his knees into the puddle of water, further drenching his pants. Even on the ground, the newcomer still had to look up at Alphonse to meet his eyes.

Roy Mustang looked up at him, lips set into a frown. His black hair was soaked, plastered to his head in wet clumps.

Al didn't acknowledge him.

"Alphonse." Roy said, an edge of a command to his voice "Look at me." When Alphonse didn't obey, Roy sighed, straying a hand out to touch the boy's arm. "Alphonse-"

"Stay away from me!" Al cried, snatching his arm away. He scrambled as far away from the Colonel as he was able to before hitting against a dumpster. The boy curled in on himself, hugging his knees to his chest and hiding his face in his arms. "…Please."

In his little cocoon, all there was darkness and the sound of rain. The relative silence dragged on, and as it did Al's numbness became more and more broken. Soon, he had returned to the choking sobs. The only thing his armored body allowed him to have, he thought bitterly.

Alphonse heard the wet slap of boots against the ground, indicating that Roy had gotten up. The boy hoped that the Colonel would heed his request and leave him. However, that wasn't the case. Instead, to Alphonse's horror, the Colonel came closer.

"Alphonse." Roy said again. But his tone this time was different. It was softer, gentler. The change drew Al's eyes away from the sheltering darkness to stare into Roy's. He was still frowning but his eyes held none of the commanding edge so often seen there. At gaining Al's attention, a small smile tugged briefly on the Colonel's lips. "It's okay."

Al stared at him like he grew an extra head.

"No!" He cried "No it's not! Colonel, I- " the boy sobbed "Colonel, I _killed_ someone."

Thunder cracked overhead.

Roy sighed, dropping his eyes "Yes, you did."

The rain hit the cheeks of Alphonse's helmet, streaking down the sides of it.

"How can you even look at me!? How can you be around me!?" Al screamed at him "Please, just go away! I don't- I don't want to hurt you too!"

"Alphonse." Roy said again.

"What is Brother going to think!? He's going to hate me! How can I live with this-"

"Because you have no other choice!" Roy snapped, stunning Al into silence. The Colonel sighed, brushing his wet bangs out of his eyes. He shifted, settling on the ground besides Al, his hands in his lap. "You have no other choice but to live with it."

Al stared at him, realization flashing in his eyelights.

"Colonel…"

Roy looked up at him, forcing a smirk.

"You seem to forget I've killed more than my fair share of people."

"But….but you were ordered to." Al said.

Roy tilted his head, raising an eyebrow "Does that make it any better?" Al hesitated before stiffly shaking his head. Roy smiled "Exactly." He turned away "I'm not going to lie to you and say it gets better, Alphonse. But you have to live with it. Forgetting the guilt, forgetting what you're feeling now, it might feel better, but it's not. If you ever fully forget these feelings, then you don't deserve to call yourself human." His fists clenched "So you have to live with the guilt. You have to bear it."

"How?" Al said quietly.

Roy gave him a tired smile, suddenly looking so much older than he was "What else are you going to do?"

Al stayed quiet. He stayed quiet for a long time. And Roy's expression changed. He was confused, then slowly enraged, but that rage trickled away into sympathy.

"What do you think Edward would do if you went through with that, Al?" Roy said. Al tensed.

"I, I didn't say anything." He stammered. Roy gave a weak little smile.

"You don't have to. I've been there." He turned to look at his hands "I forget how many times I've looked down a barrel of a gun."

"Colonel!" Al exclaimed "Don't talk like that! What about the Lieutenant? And Ed, and _me?_ There's so many people who care about you-" Al cut himself off. Then he dropped his eyes "Oh."

Roy chuckled. "So you get my point?"

Al shook his head, putting it in his hands "But they shouldn't care about me. Not after what I did."

"You didn't mean to."

"It doesn't matter if I _meant_ to! I still did it! I still…Colonel, I took someone's life." Al hugged himself as if to keep himself together.

"You did." Roy said, flatly "You did because you didn't know how strong you are. You did because you didn't realize how much you can hurt people as you are now."

Al sniffled "Y-yeah."

"So you have to fix it." Roy said, the edge coming back to his voice "You have to fix what you did wrong, then. Start by learning about yourself. Learn everything you can about being how you are now. Then, focus on getting your and your brother's bodies back."

"…Colonel." Al looked at him, the rain slipping down his helmet like tears. "How can I tell Brother?"

Roy frowned "That's up to you."

Al hung his head, his fists clenching. "Colonel, what if he hates me?"

Roy gave him a long look. "What if he does? What would you do?"

"Well…" Al fidgeted "I'd….I'd still want him to get back to normal. And, and I still want him to stay safe. So even if he did hate me…. I guess…. I'll do what I'll have to do."

Roy closed his eyes, a small smile brightening his face. "Well, Alphonse, I don't think Edward can hate you. He might be angry. But he won't hate you." His smile twisted into a bit of a smirk "I think I know from experience."

Al chuckled weakly "Yeah, I guess you would." The armored spirit fidgeted again, drawing off into an uncomfortable quiet.

Roy brushed his bangs out of his face again, muttering his agitation.

"Well, Al, the guy who you kil- who died, was an enemy of the state. A murderer." Roy shrugged "So you're not going to be charged for anything."

"Oh. That's good." Al said vacantly.

The boy had gathered that much. The man had jumped out of an alley and pulled a gun on him. On instinct, he had thrown a punch. But he hadn't realized how much strength his armored body had. Not until he heard the disgusting crackle and gushing of the man's face collapsing into itself.

Alphonse couldn't keep the shudder from shaking through his armor at the memory. The man had collapsed on the ground after that, the gun discarded as blood pooled out from behind his wide, terrified eyes. The boy had fled as soon as he registered what had happened.

How Roy found him, he might never know.

"Al." The said man's voice drew him out of his thoughts. Roy was looking at him. "I want you to promise me something."

Al was caught off guard by the request. He slowly nodded, pressing the Colonel to go on.

"Never forget what you're feeling now." Roy said darkly.

Al sighed "I don't think I can."

Mustang smiled again "Good." He got to his feet, dusting himself off. The man didn't turn back to look at Alphonse as he walked away.

Al fidgeted with his hands, stumbling to his feet. Quickly he approached the Colonel, towering over him yet somehow looking so small.

"Colonel, I'm sorry." He said. At his small voice, Roy stopped. Alphonse pressed his palms to the face of his helmet, another high sob coming out of the armor "I'm so sorry."

Alphonse had just turned twelve.

One year after trying to give life back, and he had reverted to taking it away.

He apologized, again and again and again. Becoming more and more hectic. Roy turned himself around, took Al's large gauntlet in between his hands, and assured him that it wasn't his fault.

Alphonse would never tell Edward. He would never tell Winry. And he would never believe Roy.


End file.
